I'm Not Alone (I'm Surrounded)

Last weekend I ran a half-marathon.

Now, this was a challenging-yet-achievable goal. Considering that I have only run a little bit here and there over the years, I definitely consider myself a new runner.

The race that I participated in along with a dozen ladies from my church was a Run Like a Diva half marathon (or 5k). Therefore, the vast majority of people in this race were women. Looking around at the crowd as we ran, I saw many women who looked like runners – they had fit bodies and they seemed to know what they were doing. Yet there were even more women who did not look like runners, but they had determination on their faces and their feet carried them through a 13.1 mile course – sometimes faster and sometimes slower.

As we took off from the starting line there was a surge of adrenaline – and quite the surge of estrogen as this crowd of people clad in pink & purple tutus, and sparkles began to run. There was energy in the air. A few miles into the race we began to experience our first hills and the challenges began to hit us as our bodies became tired and our minds became aware of the ascent and the distance.

That’s about the point when I began to feel choked up with emotion. Tears were threatening to sneak out of my eyes – and I didn’t want to be seen crying while I ran!

You see, I was seeing how much my life (and yours) is like a big race. As women, despite how much we like togetherness, we often feel like we’re alone. At least I do. (I would imagine that men feel this too.) It’s easy to think that I’m the only person going through my unique struggle. In the past few years I have been sharing about my experience of not-yet-being-able-to-get-pregnant. 

Although we’ve been trying for years, no babies have come. So running that half marathon was something I knew I could accomplish – I knew it would be easier to check off my bucket list than that item titled “become a mom” because creating new people is ultimately in God’s hands.

As I have been writing and thinking about my struggle with fertility, something God has impressed onto my heart is the concept that I am surrounded. I’m surrounded by “a great cloud of witnesses” as mentioned in Hebrews 12. My cloud of witnesses includes those women in the Bible who pioneered this journey long before I did – specifically the women who didn’t become pregnant easily. As I have studied Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth, and others, my faith has been built up knowing that they eventually received their much-asked-for baby. They made it through that race, so I know I can too. I feel like they are cheering for me from Heaven. Just like I’m not the only woman to run a half-marathon, I’m not the only woman whose body won’t get pregnant (yet). In these past few years God has placed woman after woman in my path who are going through the same issue, and my desire is to encourage them with some of the hope God has given me.

While I ran the course I felt emotional knowing that I was not struggling through this race alone – nearly two thousand other women were putting one foot in front of the other on their way to the finish line. I was surrounded.

Not only is there a spiritual cloud of witnesses – people of faith who have gone before us – but there are clusters of people along the way cheering us on. As we ran the half marathon from the country road into the residential neighborhoods, people came out onto their front porches and dragged chairs into their driveway to sit and watch us. I loved reading the signs people held up to encourage us, I went out of my way to give the little kids a high five, and overall I felt supported in this race by total strangers – even if some of them were leisurely eating their breakfast on the porch as we ran mile after mile.

In our journey to start a family, Mike and I have not been shy to share with people that we are hoping for a baby. When we open up and share this tender topic, people can see that we’re running hard after our goal. People cheer us along, pray for us, and support us with words of hope and encouragement. And you know what? That helps so much! Knowing that there are people believing, praying, and cheering us on – that knowledge helps me to keep going.

No matter what your challenging situation is, you’re not alone.

As we ran, we discovered that our course had tougher hills than what we expected. Another thought that floated through my head and heart as I chugged along was that if it were up to me, I’d pick a different course. That, my friends, is so much like my life – I would pick a different route – less challenging hills to climb – more life events happening in my own planned time. A scripture floating through my head during the race summed up a lot of what was happening in my head as I ran:

Hebrews 12:1-2 says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

So as I ran longer and harder than ever before, on a course I did not choose, I was thankful to be surrounded by others. Looking around, beyond my own circumstances and feelings, I realized that I was in the middle of a sea of women dealing with the same struggle and on the sidelines was a crowd of strangers cheering me on!

I am surrounded. You are too. I’m going to run with perseverance. For the joy set before me, I will endure! There is no greater role model to look to than Jesus, who endured the worst because of His great love for us. 

Want to read more about my journey through infertility? I wrote my book before ever becoming pregnant - because hope can be found even in those difficult places. Embracing Hope During Infertility is available on Amazon. More info can be found at http://www.hopeduringinfertility.com/.