We were married shortly before Thanksgiving in 2008, so that year it was fun to finally have a husband at Thanksgiving! A year later, I was feeling more ready to start our family, but all was well. However, Thanksgiving 2010 marks the first year that the cloud of grief over our babies hovered around during the holidays. At that point we had been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for 6 months, and I was sad. I'd hoped to be able to say, "I'm thankful for the baby on the way!" as we sat around the table eating turkey.
That year was followed by 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016. Those years had highs and lows, we moved to a new state, began new careers, I began writing books - all of those things were thrilling! Yet our desire for babies never changed, we never quit trying, and each year at Thanksgiving I wished I could announce a pregnancy or walk in to the room with a very pregnant belly. I've written a lot about the grief of infertility on my blog http://www.hopeduringinfertility.com/infertility-topics/ and in my book Embracing Hope During Infertility.
Something happened in July of this year, when Jesus said YES to our prayers. In a moment, everything shifted. Although we were pursuing fertility treatments, we hadn't used any medication or doctors that cycle, because God wanted to demonstrate that He could do it. When we found out a baby was on the way, there were moments of feeling nervous or even fearful, but from the moment I saw the pregnancy test say YES, my grief was turned to joy.
I find myself singing a song from way back when. I finally found it on YouTube. Anybody else listen to the Insyderz? This music was fun the year I finished high school, okay? :) You can listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWj7mKyql70 (Doesn't it make you want to dance?)
"You turned my mourning into dancing again, You lifted my sorrow.
I can't stay silent, I must sing for Your joy has come!"
Those lyrics come directly from Psalm 30:11 (NIV): "You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
This Thanksgiving week my eyes keep filling up with tears. Two days ago our doctor's office confirmed with an ultrasound that our baby is a girl, and at this point she and I both seem healthy. I passed age 35 a few years ago and my husband is older than me, so those factors can mean higher risk of health problems, but God is greater than all of that.
Six months ago I was looking at this point on the calendar wondering what we would do after completing fertility treatments. (IUI with injections if you're wondering.) Today I'm rejoicing and thanking God for this baby who is growing. I am in awe of God who has led us every step of the way. He has truly done a miracle by creating life after nearly 100 attempts at pregnancy. I am amazed at the peace and the joy that have replaced my grief and sorrow. People have said "you're glowing!" but I think a lot of it is the sadness and stress are gone.
Last night, I reached up into a box on the shelf in our guest room / soon-to-be baby's room and brought out a handful of pink clothes, given to me by my sister-in-law the year we began trying to conceive. My youngest niece on that side of the family will be turning twelve when our baby is born, but we have several of her sweet baby girl outfits waiting to be used.
This Thanksgiving we're not traveling (we love visiting family, but the 6 hour drive is exhausting). Instead we stayed home, where I'm sorting baby clothes and we plan to put together a crib! (I'm also putting finishing touches on a book that I hope to make available in weeks ahead - it's a guide for people who want to write a book but feel overwhelmed at the idea. Keep following my posts for more info!)
Today I can say the words I've wanted to be able to proclaim every Thanksgiving for 7 years: I'm thankful for this baby girl growing inside me. I'm thankful for a promise-keeping, miracle-working, gift-giving God who drew me closer to Him in all these years of sorrow. I'm thankful that one of God's characteristics is that He turns grief into joy!
Now, let me find the tissues so I can wipe my eyes and begin folding those pink clothes...
Keep following along here at www.lovethatbetsy.com and http://www.hopeduringinfertility.com/infertility-topics/, since more posts will be coming soon. God willing, I'll be publishing some books in the near future. The best way to keep up with my new writing is now an occasional email from me! Here's how you can sign up:
Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008, and look forward to the arrival of our first baby in 2018! We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot and doing life as a team.
I write because I feel called and I enjoy it, and I hope that my words point you toward God! My first book, Embracing Hope During Infertility is intended to infuse hope into your heart! My second book, although written for children, will point you toward the goodness of God, even in the darkest times.
You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter as @lovethatbetsy.
Thanks so much for reading this post!
Thanks so much for reading this post!
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