Pursuing One Dream While Waiting For Another

Note: I originally posted this in October 2014 on another blog. I thought it was worth sharing again - this is part of the heart process that preceded the publication of my first book.

By far the greatest dream in my life is to have children of my own. After doing everything I can do to make that dream happen, I still find myself waiting.

Just the other day, while at my nanny job, I watched the youngest of the children as he toddled down a sidewalk. I had dreamed of having a baby who would now be his age – after all, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years. It occurred to me that if the baby dream had been fulfilled in my timing, then I wouldn’t be pursuing another dream.

In 2013, ideas began trickling into my mind, and I began to think seriously about writing a book. Since childhood I had hoped to one day write and publish a book, but had never gotten around to it. Then God planted an idea in my heart – the idea of writing about my journey of having hope during infertility.

I began compiling thoughts and clustering paragraphs into chapters. I shared the idea with my husband, and then I mentioned it to several women in my writer’s group at church and to several other close friends. They encouraged me to go for it, so I did!

Around the time when I began telling people about my book idea, we were four years into trying to conceive, and it occurred to me that God might intend for me to write my story from the perspective of being in the midst of it, not from the viewpoint of looking back at a happy ending. I figured that if God wanted me to get these thoughts on paper before He blesses us with a baby, then I’d better get writing!

As I share my own story of waiting and hoping, I continue to meet women who are struggling to get pregnant, I realize that I can encourage them because of what I’m going through.

So I’ve been writing during every spare moment. Thinking. Praying. Jotting down notes throughout my day. Asking God for insight and words of hope. He has encouraged me endlessly – God has given me a special grace for my childless circumstances, He has given me a strong sense of hope that I will one day have a baby even though my body doesn’t seem willing, and I believe that God has given me words to share with other women facing similar circumstances. Because I realize that I’m not alone in this.

God designed us to be mothers. He loves babies and families. Throughout the Scriptures, He brought forth some amazing miracle babies and used them as key people in His story. He has quite a history of making people parents, despite the odds against them.

So I wrote a book about my story thus far, and what I have learned along the way.

At this point I’m only sharing my manuscript with a handful of readers to gain feedback, and readers have told me that they find themselves laughing at times and crying their eyes out other times as I take them on the emotional roller coaster of infertility. I believe that this will be a book that will speak to hearts. Right now (2014) I’m finishing my manuscript and researching my publishing options. Since this is a God-given dream, I am trusting Him to see it to completion.

My story is one of hope when hope seems impossible, it’s the story of repeated disappointment, a seemingly endless wait for dreams to come true. What I have written is the process my heart has gone through for four and a half years of choosing to believe that God is good, of learning from the people who went through this before I did, and allowing myself to be encouraged by others.

I felt a call from God to share my story, and even though we haven’t gotten to the happy ending yet, I’m writing. This process is both terrifying and exhilarating. Yet I believe that when God places a dream on your heart and nudges you to go for it, then He will lead you through it.

I don’t know what your dreams are, but I dare to say that they’re worth pursuing. My greatest dreams are to be a mom, and a smaller dream is to write a book. I’ve decided to pursue the writing dream while I await the baby dream. I’m pursuing each of these to the best of my ability, all the while asking God to do great things in this process.

If you know someone who is struggling to get pregnant, especially if you know someone who is feeling hopeless in their struggle to get pregnant, will you share this blog post with them? Keep an eye on my blog and on my Facebook page for more book updates. 

And… keep pursuing your dreams.