Beauty in Barrenness

My life has included too much disappointment in the past few years, in my opinion. Oh, there have been many good moments, but there has been much disappointment in the reality that THIS is my mid-thirties: still struggling to start our family, still struggling in other areas. I’ve had to face some hard situations, and contending for the first place ribbon for Most Difficult is the monthly disappointment I experience. In fact, I’ve experienced approximately 83 consecutive failed tests – pregnancy tests, that is. I know disappointment.

One day just before this new year began, God gave me a moment of clarity in my hovering feelings of disappointment. He helped me to see this truth: I am not defined by my disappointment. I rest in the knowledge that God has appointed Himself over me and my circumstances.

There is so much about my life that feels less-than-ideal. I was expressing some of this frustration in prayer recently and God reminded me that He’s not at all surprised by the twists and turns of my life. He’s been down this road before, He knows this road well, He knows it’s bumpy and sometimes muddy and that the hill ahead is going to make my stomach flip-flop, He knows that I feel afraid when I look over the edge of the cliff beside this mountain road.

He’s not afraid or worried by any of it! Now if I would release my grip on the steering wheel and let Him drive while I sit in peace. (Easier said than done!)

When God whispered to me that my disappointments do not define me because He is the Appointed One over all of it, He reminded me to look for beauty in the barrenness. To see glimpses of His divine appointments amidst my disappointment.

Even when the trees are not in bloom and the forest seems to be lifeless, life and peace and beauty can still be found. So, if you’re like me, and struggling to see above the mud and the muck and the frustrating disappointments of your life, take a deep breath, step back, and ask God to show you His beauty in the barrenness.

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    He makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    He enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 (NIV) 

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Hi, I’m Betsy Herman, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team. I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015. You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page.