Write Your Love Story (Here's Mine)

Seven or eight years ago I read a couple of books where women had written their real-life love stories. Each woman wrote the story of how she came to be married to her husband. At the time, I shared a blog with my lifelong friends “the Cherokee Chix,” and I suggested that each of us write our love stories for the blog. Since then, we have closed down the blog, and I couldn’t find the original post I had written. However, my blog post had been archived as a chapter in my own book!

Today my husband and I celebrate 10 years of marriage: one decade of highs and lows, two major moves, and seven years of infertility followed by one cute baby. This year has been uniquely challenging: pregnancy, publishing a book, birthing a baby, returning to work, quitting my job, moving to another state, adjusting to being a one income family and figuring out life as a stay-at-home-mom. It has been a wonderful year, a dream-come-true year... and a stressful year. Today I paused to revisit the love story I wrote a few years ago, and I want to share it with you! Maybe it will encourage you as you wait. Maybe it will revive your prayers. Maybe it will inspire you to sit down and write your own love story of how you came to be married to your spouse. Maybe you need to sit down and write all the things you're thankful for, either in a season of answered prayers or in a season of waiting. You’ll be glad you wrote these things down!

The following is a modified excerpt from When Infertility Books Are Not Enough: Embracing Hope During Infertility by Betsy Herman: 

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

One evening in late August 2007, I joined the single’s group at my church to watch a minor league baseball game. It turned out that we couldn’t get tickets to the sold-out game, so we ended up eating dinner at a nearby restaurant. Toward the end of the meal I found myself chatting with a guy from the group whom I had never met or even noticed before. When the conversation ended, I went on about my business… and little did I know that for the next four months, while I wondered where My Future Husband was, that very guy was trying to have a follow-up conversation with me!

Mike and I would mostly see each other across the  sanctuary during the Wednesday night prayer service at our church. We attended a large church so we rarely crossed paths on Sundays, although I could see him from where I normally sat. The Wednesday evening gatherings had fewer people and, to his dismay, I would often tiptoe in late and slip out early as I was exhausted from my busy life and stressful job. On the rare days that I stayed until the end of the service, Mike would find me huddled together with girlfriends (complaining about the lack of available men, I’m sure), which made me hard to approach.

Although I didn’t realize that he wanted to talk to me, I did know that his name was Mike, and as time went on that fall I often found myself watching him during church. Even when he wasn’t looking in my direction, I would notice him. I could tell he was at least several years older than me, and I would ask myself, Betsy! Why are you noticing this guy with gray hair? All I knew about him was that he was a faithful member at our church and I liked watching him pray and worship the Lord. That was enough for my interest in him to grow.

Throughout this time I was doing a lot of praying. God was showing me that new beginnings were just around the corner. I was working through feelings of rejection from the past. I remember crying on Christmas Day as I drove by myself back to my townhouse. I felt so alone after the festivities. I was tired of the loneliness of not having a husband, and again I asked the Lord to bring my future spouse into my life. That same week I found myself thinking about Mike. I didn’t know him, but I did ask God for an opportunity to get to know him. That opportunity was about to come faster than I expected.

Less than a week after asking God for a chance to get to know Mike, it was time for Wednesday night prayer. We had a rather small group at church, and we met in a smaller room than usual. I arrived late and as I approached the locked door, Mike opened it for me and greeted me with, “Hello, Betsy.”

He knows my name! He said hello! I’m sure those thoughts distracted me for the rest of the prayer time. None of my girlfriends were there that night, I was on the far side of the room from the door, and Mike walked over to talk to me afterward. Basically he cornered me. After all, he had been trying since late summer to talk to me, and it was January at this point.

Mike struck up a conversation that led to, “So, would you like to go for coffee sometime?” Poor guy, he didn’t know how much I like coffee and that he’d be buying me coffee for the rest of our lives! The suggestion to go out for coffee evolved into lunch plans the following Sunday.

We met at the café near my townhouse after church, where we talked and talked. We found common ground in our families and our similar hopes for the future. I realized that this was a man I wanted to get to know.

Four weeks into our dating relationship, Mike and I went hiking. It was a warm winter day and we hopped along some rocks in a quiet river. I saw that he was strong, athletic, confident, and all around the kind of guy that I wanted in my life.

During our dating days, from January through June, we met each other’s families, enjoyed some fun dates like going to the theater and out to eat, we took a few trips to visit family and friends, and had lots of serious conversations. In late June 2008, Mike felt that he had heard from the Lord clearly enough that it was right for us to be married. (I had decided back in January.)

Mike spoke with my dad, then we looked at engagement rings together. He dropped me off at my apartment, and returned to the jeweler to select the ring. The next day, he bought me the most beautiful roses he could find, and asked me to marry him. Although I don’t remember his exact words, I do remember saying “Yes!” I know without a doubt we made the right decision and that I married the very best one for me! Over and over again since that night I have thought about how there is no one I’d rather be taking this journey with than Mike. He continually encourages me and helps me to grow as a person and as a Christian.

Four months after our engagement we were married. After our rehearsal dinner we had a “toasting party” where we invited family and close friends to make a toast and share a word of encouragement with us. At the end of that sweet evening I told our guests that we were glad the wedding day had finally arrived. “Mike might have waited longer, but I waited harder,” I said. Those who walked with me through that wait knowingly agreed. I believe this is true: the best and most treasured things in life are worth waiting for.

Inscribed in our wedding program from November 2008 is this Scripture: “You have granted him his heart’s desire and have not withheld the request of his lips.” Psalm 21:2

My wait for a husband felt long. Together our wait for a baby was long. Throughout the ups and downs of marriage, infertility, and parenting, God has been faithful. God might not do things in our timing or exactly how we would have scripted them, but I have seen that He is the one who fulfills those deep longings within us.

If you enjoyed this post, please read the longer version in Embracing Hope During Infertility. If you’re feeling compelled to write something of your own, I created an easy read for the aspiring author: Write Your Story is available on Amazon and other online booksellers. And if this post inspires you to write down your own love story, I'd love to hear from you!

PS You might like this post too! Once Upon A Time. And did you know that I blog on Hope During Infertility too?