Today I look back on more than four years
filled with cycles of hope and disappointment. Once again my body reminds me
that we didn’t succeed at pregnancy this time and we won’t be laying our eyes
on our baby in nine months. I look toward Heaven with a mind filled with
“WHY!?” questions for God.
Why, God?
Why isn’t this happening?
Is it too much to ask You for a baby?
No, it’s not too much for Him to handle,
and it’s not unreasonable for us to ask. However, in these years of waiting, I
have learned so much more about the character of God – that He is in charge,
and that He is for us and not against us. My faith is deeper. My capacity to
hope has expanded, and God has given me grace for this season, a grace I never
could have mustered up on my own.
I never expected to have trouble getting
pregnant. Prior to getting married and trying to start a family, I would have
said that infertility is one of the worst things I could imagine. Having
experienced it firsthand, I can assure you that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst
enemy.
In the book I'm about to publish, I'll take you through my journey, not so
much focusing on the physical journey, but I'll take you through the journey
that happened within my soul throughout our years of being unable to conceive a
baby. I want to describe the heart behind the matter – the emotional and
spiritual side of this struggle.
If you are having difficulty conceiving...
or if
you simply want to understand someone who is...
or if you just want to read a
story about a God who gives hope in discouraging circumstances...
then the book coming out in about a month is for YOU!
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